Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
