Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
