So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
