she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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