i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
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