you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
