I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
