girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
