Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
