We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
