I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
