dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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