I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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