yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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