guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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