Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
two words: eviction party
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
