bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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