She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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