i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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