Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Panties = found
Randomize
