every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
