he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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