I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
