I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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