I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
