I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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