No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There's always time for handjobs
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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