i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
