The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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