My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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