Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
