so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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