Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
