this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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