we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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