tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
