The maid of honor just puked.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
