i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
