She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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