Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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