we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
