well I can't set my house on fire every night
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
