I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Moan for me like Helen Keller
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
