i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
