Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You can't just leave with hair like that
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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