I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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