Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
