dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize