youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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