Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
