i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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