DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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