Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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