eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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