I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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