But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
