it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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