This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
