Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
