drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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