Got a toothbrush?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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