If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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