At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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