Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
