my mouth tastes like poor choices
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
