The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize