i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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