He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
