Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
