I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
