btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she pinky promised me she was 18
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
