i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize