highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
