its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
