Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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