I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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