i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
