You just made me feel so damn special
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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