I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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