"it" just moved
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
