you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
